Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Audacity of Some People

Last night my husband and I heard disturbing news from people we though were in our corner on this adoption journey. It was really actually very hurtful, and very uninformed.

When we started this journey, we expected to find some negative feedback, but never the kind that we heard last night. We never in our wildest dreams imagined that my disability, my ability or lack thereof to work, or my medical history would be a source of discomfort for people. We never in any of the dark recesses of our imaginations thought we would hear the words "If you can't afford to pay for a child you don't deserve to be parents and shouldn't be allowed. If you [worked harder] you would be able to buy a baby."

Besides setting the not so obvious fallacies of that paragraph straight, first and foremost: ADOPTED CHILDREN ARE NOT BOUGHT CHILDREN!! You do not buy a child. Buying children - buying people - is human trafficking. It is morally and ethically unconscionable, and highly illegal.

That being said, yes. I am "disabled". Yes, I currently work part time and yes I do wish I could contribute more than I currently do to our adoption fund. Unfortunately, being considered a disabled worker not too many places are willing to hire me for a second job, or even for a primary full time job, because the nature of my injury has not yet been fully identified and I am considered a liability on all fronts. Adam has been amazing enough to realize how much pain it causes me to be in this situation and has picked up a second job to cover the slack, and has encouraged me to keep this blog updated and to keep getting our fundraising off the ground. He says that as the future mommy, this aspect of the adoption can be my "job".

When the rest of my medical history got dragged into the fray my husband just about went ballistic. He was told by someone who had no true knowledge, that I was faking my Endo, I was faking my PCOS. That my tendons don't really tear when placed under the strain of excess weight, and the implication was laid bare: I probably just didn't want to get pregnant. If I let go of all of the "excuses" we could keep on trying and it would happen.

I don't think I have ever seen Adam so upset. He watches me struggle on a daily basis. He has been there, on more than one scary occasion, when a tendon has torn and I lose control of a limb, or when the weak tendons in my chest tear and I begin to turn blue because I'm having difficulty breathing. He sees every time the Endo begins to spread and it causes so much pain just to button my pants. He watches me lie in pain every month when a cyst ruptures on an ovary. He stands still in fear when I turn fast and stop because a cyst has twisted around my ovary. He is there at every appointment, waiting in the Ob/Gyn's office praying that I don't come out again saying I am being admitted for emergency surgery in six hours, or my life will be at stake. Every surgery he and my dad sit in the waiting room together, waiting to hear from the doctor about how "close" this one was. That thankfully, I still have all my improperly functioning pieces. He waits and hears the news that had I waited like I wanted to, I would have been a dead woman. Yes, he has heard those words from the surgeon. My cysts swell to the size of large grapefruit and in the process begin to strangle organs, and my husband sits here holding my hand through all of this.

Yet, some people have the audacity to say if I let go of the farce of these diseases, we will have a baby.

On a happier note, it seems like our home study went rather well. The woman loved our home and thought our fur-babies were adorable. She said the necessary paperwork will be completed and filed on their end within the next few weeks. Pretty soon the paperwork will be behind us, and we will just need to start writing out checks for filing fees, agency fees, and attorney fees.

I can't wait to see our baby for the first time, or to hold them in my arms. Just thinking about it makes me cry, in a good way. That day will be the most amazing, it just feels like it will take an eternity to get here. Baby, wherever you are, please just hold on a little longer. Mommy and Daddy are working very hard to come find you.

The Lumineers : Ho Hey

I belong with you, you belong with me 
You're my sweetheart.
I belong with you, you belong with me
You're my sweet. 


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.